How to Understand Uncomfortable Emotions Instead of Pushing Them Away
When an uncomfortable emotion arises, our instinct is often to fix it, escape it or make it disappear. But slowing down to understand what we’re feeling can reveal what matters to us—and what may need our attention.
I’ve noticed something about myself lately.
When I experience an uncomfortable emotion, my instinct is to try to get rid of it as quickly as possible.
If I’m feeling lonely, I want to feel connected.
If I’m feeling uncertain, I want certainty.
If I’m feeling hurt, I want reassurance.
If I’m feeling frustrated, I want the situation to change.
I don’t want to feel these things.
I want to move on from them.
But I’ve realized that I’m often trying to solve my emotions before I’ve taken the time to understand them.
Why we try to escape uncomfortable emotions
I’m comforted by remembering that this isn’t something only I do.
I see it in my coaching conversations all the time.
Someone feels afraid before making a career change.
Someone feels disappointed after not getting the opportunity they hoped for.
Someone compares themselves to a colleague and immediately feels as though they’re falling behind.
Someone feels frustrated in a relationship and wants the other person—or the situation—to change.
And almost instinctively, the question becomes:
How do I stop feeling this?
It’s such a human response.
None of us enjoys feeling uncomfortable.
We want to resolve the uncertainty, soothe the hurt and get ourselves back to feeling okay.
But what if uncomfortable emotions aren’t always something we need to get rid of?
What if they’re trying to show us something instead?
What your emotions may be trying to tell you
Not every emotion tells us the truth.
Feeling afraid doesn’t necessarily mean something is dangerous.
Feeling behind doesn’t mean we actually are.
Feeling uncertain doesn’t mean we’re making the wrong decision.
But our emotions often tell us something about ourselves.
What we care about.
What we value.
What we’re longing for.
What might still need our attention.
I’ve started noticing that when I slow down and get curious, my emotions often have something to teach me.
Loneliness can remind me how deeply I value meaningful connection.
Comparison can point toward a quality I admire or a direction I feel pulled toward.
Hurt can reveal reassurance I’m still waiting to hear from someone else—or perhaps from myself.
Fear often appears when I’m stepping toward something that genuinely matters to me.
The emotion isn’t necessarily a problem that needs to be solved.
It can also be information.
A clue.
An invitation to understand ourselves a little better.
I wonder how much energy we spend trying to change how we feel when what we really need is to understand why we feel that way in the first place.
A different question to ask yourself
Lately, I’ve been trying to replace one question with another.
Instead of asking:
How do I stop feeling this?
I’m practising asking:
What is this emotion trying to show me?
Sometimes the answer comes quickly.
Sometimes it takes days.
Sometimes I don’t fully understand it until much later.
And sometimes the emotion doesn’t carry a profound lesson at all.
But slowing down long enough to listen almost always leaves me with a little more compassion for myself—and a little more clarity about what matters.
So, if you’ve been wrestling with an uncomfortable emotion lately, try not to rush to push it away.
Pause.
Get curious.
Listen.
Give yourself a few quiet minutes to write.
You might ask:
What am I feeling right now?
What happened before this feeling appeared?
What does this emotion seem to be asking for?
What might this feeling tell me about what I value or need?
You don’t have to immediately change the emotion.
You don’t even have to completely understand it.
You can simply give it enough space to be heard.
You might discover that the feeling you were trying so hard to get rid of has been pointing you toward something important all along.
With love and encouragement,
Ashley
Ashley Marcinek is an ICF-certified executive, life and career coach who helps ambitious professionals understand what’s keeping them stuck, strengthen their self-trust and create meaningful change in how they work, lead and live.
