Starting Again: How to Rebuild Your Confidence After a Break
Returning to work, revisiting a passion project or starting again after any extended break can leave you questioning your confidence. But confidence doesn’t usually return before you begin—it’s rebuilt by taking action before you feel completely ready.
It’s been a while since I’ve written here.
Last October, I had my baby boy, and life has felt both fuller and more expansive in ways I didn’t fully anticipate.
It’s been a period filled with inexplicable joy, deep learning and, of course, challenges that have stretched me in entirely new directions.
As things have gradually settled and I’ve been able to come up for air, I’ve found myself thinking about reconnecting with my coaching community.
But when I sat down to write this, I felt so much resistance.
Not because I had nothing to say. I have so much to say.
Months of experiences, lessons and stories have piled up in my mind.
But after being away for so long, I found myself staring at a blank page, wondering where to begin.
And then, right on cue, self-doubt started creeping in.
Why starting again can feel so uncomfortable
I know I’m not alone in wanting to begin again—and feeling unsure of how to step back into the arena after time away.
Maybe you:
Have been meaning to return to a passion project you started
Want to begin interviewing for a new job
Are getting ready to return to work after a career break or parental leave
And maybe you’re feeling a little shaky and uncertain.
You might be thinking:
Will I know what I’m doing?
Will I stumble over my words?
Will people judge me?
When something feels outside our comfort zone, our inner critic gets loud.
We haven’t put in the reps lately, so our confidence feels a little rusty.
If I’m honest with myself, having a baby gave me a reason to step out of the arena for a while.
And there’s something wonderfully comfortable about staying there.
But comfort isn’t always where the next version of us is waiting.
I want my baby boy to see a mom who goes after what she wants.
I want him to see her using and sharing her gifts with the world.
Not because she’s fearless. Most of us aren’t.
I want him to see that courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s the willingness to move forward alongside it.
When I was in the final hour of labour, I didn’t know if I had much more left to give.
The pain felt like nothing I’d ever experienced, and my body was getting tired.
But I kept saying to myself:
The only way out is through.
If I wanted to meet this little human—and meet a new version of myself—I had to be willing to face and even embrace the temporary discomfort.
I think that’s true of so many things.
Confidence is built by taking action
Most of us are holding ourselves back in some way.
There’s something we want, but we’re avoiding it because of the feelings it might bring up:
Uncertainty.
Embarrassment.
Disappointment.
Rejection.
We want confidence before we take action.
But confidence is usually the result of taking action.
We build it by showing up before we feel ready.
By having the conversation before we know exactly what we’re going to say.
By taking the first step before we know exactly where it will lead.
The first few times you step back into the arena might not feel great.
They might also be far easier than you expected.
I write this as someone who stared at a blank page, unsure of how to begin—only to have this entire piece flow out of me in a way I couldn’t have predicted.
Maybe you’ve been out of the arena for a few months.
Maybe it’s been several years.
Either way, the way back is the same.
One shaky conversation.
One application.
One post.
One attempt.
Confidence doesn’t come first.
You build confidence by stepping back into the arena again and again.
With love and encouragement,
Ashley
Ashley Marcinek is an ICF-certified executive, life and career coach who helps ambitious professionals find clarity, build confidence and create meaningful change in how they work, lead and live.
